Bleed you out

I cut my hip again today
Thinking maybe…
I could bleed the hurt out
I watched our memories run down my leg
Like a crimson stream flowing down the side of a mountain… Our mountain… Our dreams
How many times had you kissed my damaged hips… Traced your tongue and fingers intimately over those deep scars whispering how strong each line proved I was.
I was now reopening the chapter
The out pouring of memories pooled onto the tile beside my bare foot.
I let my body go numb as I slide down the wall I was perched against.
I wanted to touch the red memories.
I wanted them back.
Self harm had done nothing to heal the wounds of my soul
I’m an empty vessel, a shell of a woman
A Woman that was only half alive when you found her.
A shell of a life that once was
You left me drowning in grief
You knew me… You knew my secrets
Now I’m nothing but my pain
Now i’m here marking myself in such a damaging way
Trying to heal the only way I know
The only way I understand.

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