This is me

This is me…

I love you so deeply but will always keep you at arms length. The second I get the feeling we aren’t happy anymore I slowly shut my emotions off and start pushing you away.

This is me…

I get so mad sometimes. Anything small can trigger it and at times there was no trigger except the blazing static of the past. I’ve thrown a lamp, a radio, a phone typically anything within my reach. I cannot throw a football more than a 10 feet

but give me a radio when I’m mad and I could chuck it 50 yards.

This is me…

I’m hurting. Pain so fierce it is clawing to escape. I cannot properly explain the physical, mental, emotional pain I feel. Flashbacks take my breath away, paranoia paralyses me, emotions flood my mind with images and I’m cannot feel any relief without inflicting pain on myself.

This is me

Routine….I lay out a 4×4 bandage, alcohol pad, paper tape and my blade…I only use exacto blades and have them hidden everywhere around the house. I pick up the blade and push it deep into my hip slowly feeling the anxiety slip away. Not a healthy way to release my feelings…I know this but

This is me

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